As always I only promo stuff I absolutely and genuinely lurve! This post is all about the stuff I desire from the Modcloth Holiday Gift Guide! This post contains affiliate links, and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. After two hellish days (including getting $1100 taken from my bank account by the person standing behind me at the ATM day before yesterday!), the darkdark clouds of sorrow parted and a little ray of dog-patterned sunshine popped right through. Right into my inbox. I literally got an email today at 7:18am that THIS DRESS covered in friggin' boston terriers and bedecked with a pussy bow (girl!!!) was in stock in my size and it was mine by 7:19am. So, the ModCloth Holiday Gift Guide. Let's talk about it. It has stuff for lady people, stuff for dudes, sparkly shoes, and plenty 'o' things covered in food/cats. The Boston Found Dress is obvz my top pick. But here are two other favs. So obviously this here bacon scarf is a pick for the more irreverent among us. It's tres gauche to announce to the world that you love fatty meats so much that you're wearing a crocheted set of bacon and eggs around your throat. And that's why I love it! Also, Ron Swanson would totally approve. Now... this HERE is the piece de resistance! Girl, when I saw this Betsey Johnson Now You're Chalking purse I immediately saw its potential for: (1) writing rude and/or incendiary political statements (2) over-sharing (3) drawing pictures of cats I could go on, but I've got to go get a cronut and continue some prep for BABECAMP! But happy holiday huntings, girl.
xo, Virgie #LoseHateNotWeight
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Today I spent most of my afternoon on the 10th floor of a building in SoMa that was once Uber Headquarters. The empty office space looked like a scene from Boiler Room (that was that movie about a fake company that Vince Vaughn may or may not have been in, right?) but with gorgeous exposed brick walls (current obsession!) and an incredible view of San Francisco's downtown. As I walked around the space I thought I spotted the BIGGEST pigeon I had ever seen. It turned out it was a majestic hawk overlooking the city while perched on some lovely buttress thing! What brought me to this spot was a class I was teaching for the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts youth artists in residence program. When they approached me about doing something, I felt this calling to offer a class on selfies and portraiture in the digital age. I wanted to discuss selfie culture and all the deeply divisive stuff about selfies (is it narcissism? is it a radical form of archiving?) with the people who were actually in the middle of this conversation - teenagers.
I've worked with youth artists before and are they kinda my favorite? Yyyyeeah, they're kinda my favorite. They are deeply contemplative, often introspective and political people who are being all complex and amazing while also navigating the fascist social experiment that is high school and the whole culture is freaking out about whether they are self-obsessed, cleavage-baring cell phone addicts. When I was in high school all I wanted was for someone to make me into a teenage mom and since that dream didn't come true I settled for highly intellectual pursuits. I was, however, no one's definition of political. I was deeply conformist in so many ways. So, I admire these young artists who are at the vanguard of their cohort. I talked to them about my work, why I care about body politics, how fat and disabled and gender non-conforming folks and queer couples and people of color have taken the internet by storm with selfies and documentation of fashion, love, and everyday life. I walked them through the history of portraiture - from the wall paintings of ancient Egypt, to Rennaissance paintings filled with rich people and their identity-marking crap, to Warhol's era of celebrity-featured pop art, and to the advent of the widely available camera, when the focus of some of the most evocative and impactful images became "everyday people." I pointed them to articles about selfies by James Franco and Teen Vogue. One of the articles pointed out that nowadays the number of images of real people outnumbers the images of models. I had been warned that they might be a little quiet, but something about talking about selfies inspired them to speak up even as I was trying to sneakily move onto the next slide in my presentation. They had SO MANY AMAZING things to say about parental paranoia, the delight that selfies and potrait making brought them, how they perceived the internet as an in fact less dangerous place than the non-digital world (despite everyone's anxiety about internet pedos), the way that some of them used selfies and hashtags to create visibility and showcase identity in mostly white school environments, how the language used to describe selfies is deeply encoded with sexism, and pointed out that if cell phones with cameras had been around in the 80s the authors of most of these selfie-hater articles would have totally been taking selfies too. Too. True. Their assignment for the end of class was to take two selfies. One was prompted by the hashtag "#me," in which I encouraged them to use their cameras to tell a story about one of their identities, their politics or how they were feeling right then. They came back from the assignment with images of all kinds. One focused on armpit hair ("my armpit hair is about taking up space"). One person talked about how he took a selfie of all his hair pushed forward, covering his face because his mom didn't like that he had long hair but he did. Some people's stories were about photo bombing other people's stories, showing comfort with their silly side. One person took a picture of the holes in the soles of his shoes, and his skateboard covered in anarchist graphics as well as his own art. One person had a friend help her write "ME" on her belly, and the person who wrote "ME" wrote "NO HATE" on her hand and put it over her mouth - a symbol of her journey into trying to understand her sexuality and sexual orientation while dealing with external homophobic/queerphobic attitudes. They totally blew my mind! Just thinking about their brilliance makes me want to cry a little. Of course, we ended the session with a group selfie. I decided to stay true to my most beloved selfie style - #bitchface - because it showcases my resilience, my refusal to be polite in the face of cultural hostility, and showcasing - just in case anyone got confused - that I ain't taking shit from nobody. This morning I woke up and saw this article by CapitalOTC entitled, "Dining with Overweight Friend? This Study May Change Your Mind." The article discusses the finding of a study done by Cornell and the Mayo Clinic with 82 participants in which they monitored their food choices in the presence of a hired actress in a fat suit. My concerns are with the incendiary and bigoted verbiage and image the article used, but also the study itself. I, and other fat studies scholars and activists, have spoken at length about the way that the public health language and campaigns around weight loss carry an implicit language that fat people are meant to be essentially socially quarantined because our fatness - and the habits we are undoubtedly presumed to have - can be passed onto others -like the flu. The article details some of the study's methodology: "The researchers set up four different scenarios: 1. In the first scenario the actress wore a fat suit and served herself more salad than spaghetti. This scenario witnessed students serving as well as eating 43.5 per cent less salad than the fat woman. 2. In the second one when she was wearing the suit but served herself mostly the less healthier spaghetti, 31.6 percent of the participants ate more spaghetti, regardless of what she ate. 3. The actress didn’t wear the fat suit and served herself mostly salad. 4. The actress didn’t wear the fat suit and served herself mostly pasta." From the findings: "The observation clearly states that people tend to eat more unhealthy food and have less of the healthy one, in the presence of an overweight person regardless of what they have in their plate." I am honestly having a difficult time understanding how a study with this methodology could have been approved by the Institutional Review Board, the deciding body at any research institution that determines whether studies that involve human subjects are potentially damaging or unethical.
I think that this study clearly crosses the line. I honestly was nearly sure that this was a joke as I read the article because it reads like some kind of comedy sketch. The use of a fat suit is dehumanizing and feels like an utterly unecessary element in an otherwise thoroughly bigoted study. As you've read, the conclusions of this study (and the title of this article) posit that regardless of what a fat person - a fat woman - eats, just being in proximity to one leads to what are deemed as "bad" food choices. The article further de-genders this finding, using the words "overweight friend" when the study seems to have only tested this behavior with a woman in and out of a fat suit. Why this is important? We live in a fatphobia-saturated era characterized by open fat hatred and hostility. We also live in a culture that values the scientific and the empirical. This study, I believe, seeks to legitimize and codify the ostracization of fat people - and fat women particularly. This is not only fatphobic, but also sexist. Social isolation can have affects on mental health that fat women are perhaps already experiencing due to preexisting fat shaming attitudes. Read about The Fat Suit Study on the Cornell page. I spoke with a New York Times reporter today about a recent study on social media and fat shaming (see the article here), which found that Twitter had the most frequent instances of fat negativity and that instances of fat shaming were often targeted at women and girls.
She asked me why I felt that there was so much vitriol online. I answered that, among other things, "fat" has become a catch-all word for various cultural anxieties, like women's bodily autonomy. Perhaps more troubling was the way in which liberals* have aligned fatness with neo-conservatism, poverty and general "backwardness." Perfect example: Bill Maher! When I was an undergrad Bill came to my college to speak and I - like many people - totally wanted to bone him. I remember being awed by the way he made fun of creationism and people who are anti-abortion rights. I felt that his views aligned with that point in my recovering Christian, burgeoning feminist life. Fast forward ten years to the middle of last month. I happen to be in a room at the Hyatt in Washington DC, blocks away from where Bill Maher is giving his live HBO special. My boyfriend is a huge fan - and HBO came with the room! - so we watched this historic comedy event together. I was surprised and pretty appalled to watch Bill Maher make at least half a dozen fat jokes in the one hour we watched. They weren't typical "ha ha fat people are inherently funny" kind of gags. They were much more nuanced. Through Southern drawl and I-can-barely-tie-my-own-shoe style affectation, he seamlessly tied fatness to neo-conservatism/neo-conservatives, whom he painted as policy ignorant jerks who hate women's rights and brown people. He interchangeably referenced "southerner," "fat person," "idiot" and "neo-conservative" and in so doing, positioned fat people as inherent enemies of the neo/liberal agenda of "progress" and positioned coast-dwelling liberals (who are de facto thin people, presumably) as just generally having better brains and better politics. Bill Maher is a respected figure, especially among well-educated and monied men, and his endorsement of fatphobia as a means of conveying hostility toward "intellectual inferiority" and social conservatism is telling and it's troubling. This was the most watched HBO comedy event in five years. What is so odd to me is that Bill Maher has aligned himself with women's rights and anti-racism, but through his stance as a self-righteous fatphobe he invokes a language that has often been used to curtail women's bodily autonomy and is increasingly being used to scapegoat people of color and poor people. Bill Maher, not cool! I want to recognize that Bill is a highly visible person who is by no means the founder of this kind of rhetoric, but his unapologetic fatphobia is indicative of a damaging and deeply encoded language increasingly shared among liberals. *I edited all mentions of "neo-liberal" to just plain "liberal" after numerous clarification requests online! I apologize for my own misuse of the word. In my years of increasingly using the word "neoliberal" interchangeably with "person with suspicious politics" the word had morphed into something less indicative of a stance on free market politics and more indicative of the often attendant social attitudes/politics. Hey Babe!
Today was an all time OMG level 10 situation when I read the guest post that Jessamyn wrote for Lose Hate Not Weight Babecampers!! The Back Story: So about 75 days ago I kinda fell in internet love with Jessamyn... previously known to me only as @mynameisjessamyn on Instagram. Her feed is filled with photos of her in varying yoga poses. I know! I couldn't believe I had fallen in love with a yoga Instagram either! I live in a city where Lululemon is synonymous with "salad dressing on the side." But Jessamyn's practice totally moved/moves me. Each image is filled with this vulnerability, beauty, groundedness and concentration that blows my mind. She speaks openly about yoga as a practice that is neither thinspirational nor body size specific. So I emailed her and asked if we could chat about her becoming involved with Babecamp. We chatted over the phone about politics, boos and life as she soaked her toes for a pedicure. She is somehow even more tresmazing in real time. By the end of the conversation she had said YES to being one of my Babecamp super special guests! Jessamyn will be featured as a guest contributor for the Daily Action Email. This means that Babecampers will have her words of wisdom, perspective and philosophy AND a special assignment she engineered just for Babecamp delivered to your inbox! And I've read it and it's amazeballs! Every babe enrolled in Babecamp gets a Daily Action Email every morning from Nov 17 - Dec 16. Stay tuned for more Babecamp guest spotlights! Click here to learn more about Babecamp! As a fat person who has sex all the time, it's always amazing to me that there is such a disconnect between the public imagination around "fat sex" and my actual sexuality.
This sort of disconnect is, in many ways, the subject of the film Wall of Fire by Lisa Ganser. So when Lisa sent me an email to see if I'd be into watching this film she did with her girlfriend, Nomy Lamm, about the intersections of fatness, queerness, disability and sexuality, I responded with an enthused "Omg totally!" I'm not sure if I missed the part about them having AMAZINGLY HOT sex in the film (I often skim emails) but I was deeply grateful that they did. I'm one of those people who's totally chill about watching my friends have sex with each other. I don't know if this is a rare quality but I feel like it's a positive one! Wall of Fire is a short experimental film by Lisa, and the film serves as this gorgeous portrait of intimacy between two people who are majorly and clearly hot for each other. One of Nomy's signature layered tracks plays over the scene, which progresses from undressing to full on sexy times. What makes the film so powerful is that it offers a critique of the ideas and representations of fat bodies and disabled bodies in not only mainstream but also queer media and discourse. Beyond its value as an arousing and intimate portrait, this film has clear political significance as a documentation project. Lisa archives this typically hidden or absent-from-public-memory narrative around the disabled body, the fat body and the multiplicity of queer sex. "Wall of Fire" is part of the Un(dis)sing Our Abilities Showcase, screening on Thursday October 16th at 9:30pm at the New Parkway Theater in Oakland and featuring a Q&A with curators Lisa Ganser and Lorin Murphy and participating filmmakers. Un(dis)sing Our Abilities is an experimental sexplicit short movie showcase presented by Periwinkle Cinema that explores sensuality, intimacy, safety and consent through the lens of the less-represented. The showcase has been accepted into the 2014 New York Mix Queer Experimental Film Festival and this screening is a fundraiser to provide ASL and travel for Bay Area artists to the NY screening. Buy tickets: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/859124 Fund the indiegogo campaign to get the artists involved in this amazing showcase to NY: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/undissing-our-abilities-more-accessible-more-sexy/x/205923 Sometimes it feels like the choice to stop dieting is akin to, like, the choice to burn an American flag or something, ghurl! Choosing not to be on a diet makes me feel downright unpatriotic sometimes. I mean I'm not really someone who aspires toward patriotism - though I did tear up that one time JHud sang the national anthem - but what I'm saying is that dieting feels synonymous with Americaness is so many ways. Do you know what I mean?! I wrote about this very thing recently for Asterisk Magazine's newest Appearance Issue. I view my choice to be a not-dieting fat person as a rad act of anti-assimilation. Assimilation (as defined by me) = aligning yourself with cultural norms so that you can reap the benefits of normitude. A lot of folks feel hella pressure to assimilate- cuz bills, jobs, boos etc. So, no shade to folks who are like werking the 9-5! I made my anti-dieting fat-poz bed and I'm going to lie (and nap and roll around blissfully and watch Bob's Burgers and drink prosecco!) in it. I decided that what I wanted for my photo shoot was something poolside, lots of cheetah print, platform heels, and, of course, style icon, Miss Piggy. Oh, and a pink sprinkle donut of course. Each element represents something deep about who I am. Cheetah print speaks to the type of femininity I embody: the ferocious and powerful kind with working class and femme of color roots. The #fatkini speaks to my right to take up space and my refusal to bow to expectations of fat girl modesty (fuck "covering up!"). The pool represents the way I satirize luxury lifestyle as a space of exclusivity and entitlement. I reveal that, yes, fat people and women of color have the right to and deserve beautiful, relaxing and luxurious experiences (#DestabilizingPools). Miss Piggy is an uppity fat icon who represents the unapologetic potential of fat femininity. The donut represents my vocal and visible refusal to bow to health rhetoric and the idea that I have to perform "healthy eating" to deserve humanity as a fat person. And the platform heels, well, they're just fabulous, ghurl. The evening also presented a prime date opportunity with my boo (/photographer)! It turns out that it was all so fortuitous because some like weird gas had been released near his place and he couldn't go home anyway. So, yeah, I hit that, and then asked him if he wanted to accompany me to the release party for the mag. AND THEN all kinds of bonus happened cuz the release party presented the opportunity to debut the new CUSTOM DRESS that eShakti sent me! There's a bird on it, ghurl!! Jes of The Militant Baker turned me onto eShakti and okokokgetthis.. they let youcustomize your dress.. you can add sleeves (of VARYING lengths and styles: 3/4 length, cap sleeve, full..), you can decide the length of the dress. I was frankly totally shocked that this option was available on the internets. If you are someone who also enjoys dresses with actual sleeves you too may find this utterly fantabulous. So, I picked him up at his office and then we went to Phliz to get jittered up (that shiz is strong, ghurl) and then headed into the gallery for some nosh, booze and chats with some of Asterisk's greatest minds! In the article I write about how I enjoy curating outfits for the purpose of eliciting emotions. My pink dresses are love letters to those who fight this fight with me. My cheetah print heels are warnings that I'm nobody's "good girl." I dress to express my politics. I'm not interested in getting rid of this body that represents my roots and my family: my aunt's chubby arms, my grandfather's round face, my grandma's big boobies, my mom's fat and shapely legs. I stake my stiletto heel in the ground of an inhospitable culture just like they do.
This body isn't going anywhere. xo, Virgie #LoseHateNotWeight Have you thought about registering for BABECAMP? Get the dress at eShakti. Get the Appearance Issue at Asterisk. Feeling sexy is a radical act. While living in a culture that is so deeply entrenched in the bullshit of fatphobia, photo shopping and the campaign to end all confidence, I need campaigns that remind me that feeling sexy is one of the best things about being alive. Last week I met with two of my favorite people in the whole world, Coyote and Andy of Good Vibrations. We met at this like Spanishy Frenchish (maybe?) restaurant in the Financial District right across the street from GV's brand newest Lifestyle Boutique. We had some popcorn covered in tomato oil (and served in one of those wooden shoes! It all further confused what type of cuisine this place was dedicated to but anyway...) and some croque madame and Andy had some cassoulet that was veritably swimming in meat, which yes, I tasted. We were convened to chat about the hawt idea of Good Vibrations hosting an event to culminate their #SexyAtEverySize week. What!? Sexy at Every Size week!? Yup: October 10-17. So, throughout the week there will be a social media campaign on #SexyAtEverySize Truths (follow @goodvibestoys on Instagram to see!) AND contests and prizes!! All week long in-store shoppers can enter for a chance to win prizes from Dreamgirl, SpareParts, Coquette, Sportsheets, Shirley of Hollywood, and Sportsheets. The winners will be announced at Abundance, and all winners must be present. Speaking of... Abundance: A sensual exploration of plus sized pleasure is the event that culminates the week of body poz happenings! The event will include personalized fittings and product consultations, as well as viewing opportunities for the latest styles in lingerie, boudoir accessories, couples’ toys, and strap-on harnesses. Plus treats, special guests, and plenty of surprises! October 17 4-8pm At the new Good Vibrations Lifestyle Boutique 189 Kearny in San Francisco's financial district Hosted by Virgie Tovar Click to tweet Abudance details right this second, ghurl! Yes, you just have to click that bird. The future is happening in this blog! More info: What is #SexyatEverySize? The Sexy at Every Size campaign will feature conversations on body positivity and empowerment that will showcase a selection of products that are beloved by proudly self-proclaimed 'curvy,' 'plus size,' 'voluptuous,' 'fat,' 'thick' & 'chubby' body types. Whether offering position pillows, toys that offer more reach, or plus size harnesses and lingerie, Good Vibrations is adamant that their product selection is available to a broader range of body types. Body positivity & access to pleasure for every body is a core value of Good Vibrations. GV even carries Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love and Fashion! Buy a copy on October 17 and I'll sign it (and kiss it!).
When I commit to wearing a dress for my Saturday that means I. Love. That. Dress. Saturdays are sacred days: brunch, shopping, friend dates, gossip catchup and committed moments of repose. I spent last Saturday in the new Eden dress that Sealed with a Kiss sent me. It was perfect for a sunny day in the Mission AND it got abundant compliments (including one on my general "swagger"). I decided to go 90s end-of-summer staycation wear with this look and add the oversized bright green beads. My friend Kyohei was in town from Sacramento and he said he wanted to try to a new spot on Valencia for brunch. I love new brunch spots! I did a little research and found a place called LoLo: beautifully appointed and colorful, new takes on Mexican fare, 4.4 stars on the googles. Yes! Done! But before brunch I had to make an obvious stop at all-time favorite spot, Dandelion Chocolate, for an horchata + espresso. Brunch was tres delish (as were the waiters girl!). I found a pair of bright pink, circa 90s Benetton suspenders at a street sale for $3 right outside LoLo and this was all before 2:30! There are alleys all along Valencia that have murals. Must-see when you visit! I felt this one was appropriate. Any legit brunching experience on Valencia must be followed by a trip to Mission Thrift because they have the most absurd and queeny stuff! I got THIS debutante pin as well as a pink pleated button down top with gold buttons. I know that sounds horrific but trust me girl it works! We ended the day at the Marriott. Just like old times. Kyohei and I were in grad school together and sometimes we would escape the sociopaths we went to school with at this very Marriott, lying on the lounge sofas, talking shit and eating
mousse cakes. For the Eden dress & moremoremore plus pieces shop Sealed With A Kiss! Join me and a veritable menagerie of brilliant folks for the Women Howling Loudly Global Telesummit! It's AMAZING! POWERFUL! And (omg!) FREE!
Founder & Women Howling Loudly visionary, Amy Jo Mattheis, and I will chat about my favorite topics (life! secrets! desserts!) for 50 minutes Tuesday, Sept, 23rd LIVE at noon PST. Your free registration gives you access to: ** Listen to all the calls LIVE … Monday through Friday, September 8- 26 at 12 noon PST. Be sure to mark these dates on your calendar NOW! This is sacred “Get Your Howl On” time for YOU! And… ** Should you miss a call, recordings of each call will be posted for 72 hours after the call on the website. The line-up of bad ass, bold & often brazenly honest experts range from:
xo, Virgie #LoseHateNotWeight |
Virgie Tovar
Virgie Tovar, MA is one of the nation's leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image. She is the founder of Babecamp (a 4 week online course focused on helping people break up with diet culture) and the editor of Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love and Fashion (Seal Press, 2012). She writes about the intersections of size, identity, sexuality and politics. See more updates on Facebook. Archives
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