Today I walked into Whole Foods (I'm going to take a moment right here, yes, at the beginning of this blog to apologize for being a fat girl who shops at Whole Foods, but I am also a Taurus and WF is like the grocery food equivalent of, like, Last Chance Saks Fifth Avenue, ok. And they also give me free cookies like every time I'm here. I'm actually going to include a picture of the box of cookies they gave me for free today.. just because I was perusing some cookies. They anticipated my desire for their cookies and offered me a box. Yeah, they're right there. Anyway..).
I was looking for lunch. I picked up some salty things and an iced coffee, and then I went on the prowl for a pastry to pair with my coffee. I walked with my tiny green cart designed for singles and young professionals to the refrigerated desserts section. This is where the slices of marble cheesecake, the dulce de leche parfaits, the berry pie, the lemon pot de cremes, and the 6 inch-high strawberry shortcakes live.
I stood there looking for something that appealed to me, and I had this deja vu/flashback style moment. I thought about my life a few years ago, when I was still a diet-proselytizing, weight-loss fanatic. Back then those desserts would have been screaming at me in unison: Back away! We're not for you! Do you want to lose all the progress you've gained? Do you want to end up dead on the floor of your apartment with your face being eaten off by the komodo dragon you bought at the reptile show because you were lonely, like that guy on the Animal Planet show Fatal Attractions?
As I stood before these treats today, I had a realization:
This wall of dessert doesn't send me into a tailspin of self-loathing, confusion and salivation. I can have ANYTHING on this wall. I can have multiple anythings on this wall. My god. I don't hate my life. I don't hate these strawberry shortcakes. I have come a long ass way.
I rarely take the time to have these moments. To tell you the truth, moments like the "wow I'm standing in front of a wall of dessert and I don't hate myself" one don't happen often. That voice of a culture that taught me that dessert is evil and I'm eviler for wanting it, it just gets quieter and quieter all the time. And I don't miss it, girl.
So, here's to small victories and creamy desserts that don't talk back.
Wanna have a #ShameFreeSummer in the body you're in right now? Register for Babecamp. Registration closes on July 5. Click here to read more.
Dad Bod: 3 Things I LoveHate
While we are hot for Paul Rudd or Chris Pratt, actors like Kevin James are perpetually the butt of the joke because of the same qualities that Dad Bods possess but "in excess."
Mackenzie Pearson wrote an article theorizing on the cultural obsession with "dad bods" like Don Draper's or Chris Pratt's. Pearson writes: “The dad bod says, ‘I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.’”
Someone asked me about my thoughts on Dad Bod and it took me a week to come up with this: I kind of love it and I kind of hate it. Here are my 3 LoveHate reasons:
1. As a fan of man belly, Dad Bod is totally my thing
Am I fan of people who eat 8 slices of pizza at a time? Yes. Do I prefer Chris Pratt circa Parks & Rec over his Guardians of the Galaxy look? Yes.
2. BUT I agree with Brian Moylan of Time when he wrote that this is the same old sexism we've been seeing forever
Moylan called Dad Bod a "sexist atrocity," pointing out that:"The problem with the Dad Bod isn’t what it says about men, but what it says about women and how we treat them." Women - especially mothers - get lambasted if they don't return to their pre-baby weight (remember Maria Kang?), while men get ever hotter as they age or gain weight.
3. At the end of the day this is still glorifying the "right" kind of fat - "Dad Bod" is just "curvy" for men
My biggest problem with Dad Bod is that there's an arbitrary line, where Dad Bod veers into something we don't find culturally appealing. While we are hot for Paul Rudd or Chris Pratt, actors like Kevin James are perpetually the butt of the joke because of the same qualities that Dad Bods possess but "in excess." At the end of the day that line is the biggest problem for me.
I’ve been trying to be nice.
I’ve been trying so hard to be nice that I waited, like, 4 months to write this blog hoping that I was just having a little case of the Mondays. But something happened today that made this blog pop out of me like an overdue processing baby.
Today on my Facebook feed there was a comment from someone I had a crush on when I was 21. He was a libertarian, a chubby-ish blonde, a frat boy who taught me how to love songs by Journey, a dude who referred to his father as “my old man,” an alcoholic in denial with an incredible vocabulary and a nose that had been broken. We used to have long, amazing conversations. I was still dieting back then, had gotten to a size medium in the juniors section (but had “plenty to go” in my mind). I was smart, opinionated. I felt that he reciprocated my attraction, but only a little. One time he left the room to use the bathroom, and came back with his hair straightened, he came in running his fingers through it. Since we were alone I knew this was for my benefit.
I had one tall, red-headed, slender queer feminist friend who inspired men on the streets to construct impromptu poetry. She was dating a fat activist and was trying to convert me to fat activism before I even had the framework to imagine that I wouldn’t inevitably be thin in the future. She was so disgusted by my desire for this libertarian frat boy: “Really, him?” was what she would say with a wrinkled nose. She was a voice auguring my future. I would come to execute a million wrinkled noses and judgily italicized “hims.”
“Yeah, he’s smart and I love his vocabulary.” I was hopeful, so I flirted with him, expressed my concern for his constantly chasing vodka with water when he was alone, found chances to be around him. Despite the minor reciprocation of desire, I could sense that there was something about me that made me unappealing to him. At the time things were simple. People didn’t like me because I was fat. And that was my fault. Oddly, this mindset – though shitty – made everything simpler. If everything negative was my fault, then I just had to work harder to be better. The end. This exonerated everyone around me at my expense, sure. But it made other people seem a little less assholey than they actually were, which – in retrospect – was kind of nice. I realize now that I was right. He definitely didn’t like that I was fat, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to admit all the other things that I sensed were at the core of his rejection.
A few years ago we connected via Facebook, and after looking through his feed and pictures I was able to piece together what had happened back when we were 21. He had been single for over a decade until he found the sweet-faced, athletic, middle class, blue eyed, blond haired girl of his dreams. I had sensed her presence in his desire a decade earlier - an imaginary woman who was still somehow better than me. Rather than recognize what a dick he is, I went back to that place of blaming myself and feeling ashamed.
When I saw his comment today, I went back to his feed to see what he was doing (because, yeah, I’m a total painslut). Pictures of him running in a field of flowers with this blonde dream lady. Yoga. Oh, marathons. Original. Those gross feelings began to return, but this time I was able to hold space for myself and recognize that I was in pain and that the pain wasn’t my fault. He is an asshole. My friend had been right all along. He’s not the kind of asshole who starts fights about men’s rights or the kind of asshole who goes on tirades about how the prison system is actually awesome, but he’s the kind of asshole who’s kind of a low-grade stealth bigot all the time.
Blocking him was not the nice thing to do. I could have been generous and imagined how his education in sexist white supremacy must be so hard for him. But I just couldn’t get it up for generosity today, girl. Today it was either him or me. And I chose ME.
Trying to be nice is hard for me because when I’m nice – and I mean, genuinely, like vulnerable-no-suspicion-wow-this-could-be-a-beautiful-thing-we’re-building nice, all I can think of is the disaster/betrayal/cataclysmic heartbreak that feels inevitable. And this is a product of my brain reacting to stuff, shitty stuff.
This is my brain reacting to an awareness that fatphobia and sexism are not in my rearview mirror. I’m living with them right now, every day.
This is a product of my brain – an incredible data compiling and analyzing machine - reacting to emotional trauma and calculating the risk of being nice or vulnerable or sweet. My brain almost always crunches number and spits out the same result: not worth the risk.
This is something I saw in my dad, who (like me) had a tendency toward what therapists call “catastrophizing.” This is when the worst case scenario is all you can think about. It cycles in your brain until your entire world is made up of worst case scenarios. This is a byproduct of trauma – growing up with an abusive father, growing up in poverty, coming to the United States and experiencing anti-Mexican xenophobia and colorism.
Ok, wait, sorry. I really need to go to a rose garden right now, girl. This went way longer than I’d expected.
To Be Continued…
I've spent the last two weeks traveling up and down North America - Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Vancouver, Portland, even Fresno! - giving a fake - and supremely snarky - TedTalk, in which I explain the history of the creepy ass dudes who pioneered the dietary reform movement (who were also big circumcision advocates), the connections between weighing yourself and the prison industrial complex, and also my suggestions for avoiding straight white dudes with hella privilege as a way of improving your cardiovascular health by a million healthy health points.
But why a fake TedTalk, you might ask! Well...
If you're anything like me, you're a bit of a snarky bitch who finds the idea of our cultural obsession with quantifying everything a bit, I dunno, fascistic. If not utterly puerile, girl!
If you're anything like me, you've also come to realize that things like TedTalks are engines of this weird neo-liberal fascination with knowledge production and information sharing. If you're a Westerner, like me, you grew up with the idea that gaining information was inherently valuable, and not just any ol' information - the kind that positions the West as a pioneer and a leader in global progress as well as Western "ways of knowing" as superior and that people who aren't on board with this very particular kind of information gathering/spreading is backwards if not dangerous.
This knowledge is broken down into numbers and charts that make us all "ooh" and "aww." These numbers and charts end up becoming things that we worship and obey. And then we begin to create meaning and worth from these numbers and charts that kind of don't really actually mean anything at all. Think, for instance, of the quite arbitrary and strange way we calculate something like Body Mass Index, etc. All of these things dovetail so perfectly into diet culture and explain some of the reasons it is so widespread.
And I have a major problem with all of that!
When faced with such silliness I was left with no choice but to make fun of it, of course! And so I did! And here's pictures of me doing it. The Hammer Museum in Los Angeles filmed the entire show of which my TedTalk was a part. Thanks, Hammer Museum!
Here I am explaining a very official PIE CHART with a very ACCURATE breakdown of life's most important pursuits when taking into account the new BMI - Burgers & Milkshake Index - I SCIENTIFICALLY formulated. In order of BMI importance:
I have this theory. I think the #fatkini has revolutionized the direction of fashion trending: from plus size to straight size, rather than the other way around.
Glamour named high-waisted - or retro - bikinis among its top trends in 2014 and this year Victoria's Secret - yes, as in, omg-can-we-make-everything-tinier Victoria's Secret - is carrying high-waisted bikinis. Don't believe me? Look at Victoria's Secret swim collection from 2013. Not one, single, solitary high-waisted style. In 2015? 6 styles.
I trace the provenance of this trend to Gabi Fresh's 2013 #fatkini debut.
For yeeeeaaars I felt like two-piece bathing suits were not accessible to me because it seemed like every year there was less and less fabric to offer any support for my big butt, boobies and belly. I can't wear two triangles instead of a bra! And Oh. My. God. The strings! it felt like swimsuit manufacturers were yelling "PLEASE DON'T WEAR A BATHING SUIT, FAT GIRL!" every time I went shopping for something water-friendly.
Like many fat girls (and lots of other people too!), I used to hate swimsuit season. It represented another opportunity to feel ashamed of my body. My idea of a swimsuit used to be walking fully clothed into a pool and hoping I wouldn't drown in the sea of fabric in which I'd protectively encased myself.
Nowadays, I'm an avid - bordering on pathological - swimsuit shopper. And fatkinis had everything to do with that shift. I was waiting for - nay, stalking - swimsuit season this year hard, girl, suspecting that Forever21 and SwimsuitsForAll were going to stock even hotter swimwear than last year.
AND I WAS RIGHT.
But back to my theory. In pursuing my selfish fatkini research, I began to see a lot of high-waisted bikinis in sizes small through large - a major shift from years previous to 2014 and 2015. And so, um yah, I do think that the fatkini revolutionized trending history. This is an example of the incredible power that fat girls have! We made something so hot that swimsuit manufacturers just couldn't say no.
The skeptic might be thinking: but what about the 2012 Taylor Swift debut of a red polka dot vintage style two-piece?!? To which I say: people were clambering to figure out where exactly she got this magical unicorn of a swimsuit. Answer: fashion forward/vintage-inspired Modcloth.*
*I'm an affiliate for ModCloth!
I just gave a teleconferenced lecture for students of the Widener Human Sexuality Studies program this morning (yes, people are learning on a Sunday!). One of the students submitted the following question:
"The mainstream body-positivity movement lacks in intersectionality, often focusing its efforts still on thin-to-average able-bodied white women. What are some ways that folks within the movement can work on a paradigm shift toward including, for instance, disabled bodies and bodies of color, among other marginalized groups?"
I found that I had a LOT to say about this topic, but I was particularly struck by the concept of "including" marginalized people. The word "inclusion" is a buzzword in political organizing that typically indicates some vague understanding that something just isn't right here. The idea of inclusion is typically thought of as an innocuous way of discussing the perceived lack of meaningful engagement by people who are experiencing the greatest impact of the political issue at hand. But I don't think it's an innocuous idea. I think there's a lot embedded in that word, and so I wanted to give you three reasons to rethink the idea of inclusion. Are you ready?
First, embedded within the idea of "inclusion" is a kind of white supremacist/heteropatriarchal/thincentric/ableist framework or epistemology – the presumption that thin people need to create space for fat people or white people need to create space for people of color or that straight people need to create space for queers or that able-bodied people need to create space for disabled people. This kind of presumes that we are not already organizing or creating meaning in a way that works for us. To put it bluntly, people with hella privilege cannot even imagine that people with less privilege would be doing something super cute/amazing/dare-I-say better without them. And this is super presumptuous and also just inaccurate. Likewise, I think that movements led by marginalized folks are specifically interested in being un-seen by movements led by people with hella privilege.
Second, any movement that engages heavily with reinscribing dominant aesthetics – or respectability politics – is not going to be of interest to marginalized folks who see that dominant aesthetic as problematic and violent. Focusing on "inclusion" bypasses the idea that there may be core value differences. I've learned in observing and participating in queer fat politics that organizing was based around the idea that the state was always going to be fucked up and disinterested in promoting any real holistic justice. So, rather than focus energy on trying to win our way into the hearts and minds of the American people, the focus was on the needs of the people who were dealing with the hardest shit. These are not particularly "glamorous" or capitalism-engaged aspects of survival. A lot of strategies among people dealing with intense levels of marginalization focus on getting people immediate care – sometimes physical, sometimes emotional, things like meds, food, housing, scooters, interventions for extreme isolation, etc. These are things that the larger body positivity movement has no interest in addressing because there is a real risk of losing traction – of losing legibility - in the greater culture if these become focal points. "Body positivity" is by its very name a white or middle class movement because positivity is not a resource that is at the top of the list for people with multiple marginalized identities.
Finally, and - in my opinion - most importantly, is that the word "inclusion" presumes the maintenance of that movement's current leadership with the understanding that these "included" people will become absorbed into that movement without any radical rehaul of its current hierarchy. This idea reinscribes the idea that the status quo needs a few edits but is largely headed in the right direction. But is it frealz though? This fatty says noo.
I think we come to 2 important questions:
1. What do the people who see inclusion need or want from the inclusion of people who are not well-represented? I think this is an incredibly important question for organizers to ask themselves. We all kind of know that a lack of poc or big bodies or trans folks is an indication of a failure, but do organizers desire their inclusion simply as evidence that they are not failing or is there some greater desire to be in service to people who are experiencing the greatest impacts of marginalization?
2. Is the individual or group who is seeking "inclusion" ready to change up the agenda, the political tools they use, or the hierarchy of leadership?
So deep! I'm going to leave it at that. Work it out!
Casting Call: Plus Size Couples!
Please share this blog!!
A new show is currently casting couples in the San Francisco area to take part in a one-day retreat hosted by me. The focus of this retreat is helping plus size people have a mega babely sex life! Whether partners are differently sized or both partners are full bodied, anyone who needs a little help in the sexy times department is welcome to reach out! As with all of my workshops, I tend to focus on people who have not had the opportunity of being part of the body positive community previously. If I were offering this retreat privately it would be $450.
Q: Will I be having sex or getting naked on camera?
Q: Who is leading the retreat?
A: Me! I have an MA in Human Sexuality Studies and my speciality is working with people around body image. I am a big bodied woman - 250 pounds - who identifies as sexy! I'm open and non-judgmental and people who work with me tend to have a lot of fun and leave the experience feeling really good about themselves and their bodies.
Q: Are there any costs I will incur?
Q: What size do I have to be to be considered "plus size?"
A: "Plus size" is kind of subjective and varies a bit. I am looking for couples where one or both partners feels that their size is preventing them from feeling sexy or having the sex life they want.
Q: I'm interested but I'm not used to being filmed.
A: Perfect! Your interest in being involved is way more important than experience.
The retreat will be filmed, but will not air on television (only shown to networks).
Email email@example.com with the subject "Plus Size Love Project."
5 Tips for a #NewYearNewView
If I had a new year’s resolution list for 2015 it would look something like this:
1. Finally get that creme brûlée torch
2. Wear more crop tops
3. Host a Martha Stewart inspired dinner party with napkin rings and place settings I make from repurposed twine and corn husks
4. Learn how to use actual colloquial phrases rather than consistently butchering the English language (“get back on the wheel” and “don’t kick a gift horse in the mouth” are two of my staples).
5. Eradicate diet culture
Let’s focus on #5.
For many, many years I was like a lot of Americans who list “LOSE WEIGHT” as their top new year’s priority. I was utterly convinced that this was my mandate, my destiny, my greatest soon-to-really-really-happen-this-time accomplishment! January 1 was met with a mixture of jittery hopefulness and prescient dread. We understand this date to be the biggest opportunity all year to wipe the proverbial slate clean. And we collectively lunge forward into this opportunity to create a “new you.”
But what if I told you that the current you was actually pretty awesome and you didn’t in fact need a you-replacement?
I’m an anti-resolution enthusiast because my 250 pound body is perfect just as it is. I’m good with my belly, my thighs, my double chin. I’m good with how much kale I’ve eaten. I’m good with how many walks I’ve taken. I’m good with how many times I’ve broken a sweat. I already have a beach body (which, if the title is any indication, simply requires a beach and a body). I don’t want to switch to skim milk or skip my co-worker’s birthday cake.
What I’d like to propose is rather than pursuing a new YOU this year that you pursue a new VIEW, one in which you already have the perfect body to have the best new year imaginable.
Trading out the “new you” thinking can be challenging, so I wanted to give you the five most important tips for the switch:
1. DIVEST from weight related goal-setting. Chances are you don’t actually need to lose weight to do all the things you want. “Weight talk” saturates even our smallest and most private interactions. For instance, can you imagine going one single day without hearing anyone talk about calories, exercise or how they’re planning to lose weight? I can’t! This is the environment we live in now in the United States and the West in general. For a long time, my constant dieting felt like a harmless and normal part of my daily life. I couldn’t see the ways that dieting had taken over my life. I spent nearly every waking moment with a dizzying cycle of thinking about food, wishing I wasn't thinking about food, counting calories for the food I was eating, or working off the food I had just guiltily eaten. At times my dieting mindset pushed me to do things that were downright strange and even scary in the pursuit of weight loss, like that time I only ate lettuce and barbecue sauce for an entire summer. Lettuce and barbecue sauce! At the heart of diet culture is a troubling mentality of never-ending self-scrutiny. “Weight talk” is all about “wait talk:” wait until you’ve lost enough weight to do that thing you love or to go on that date or to wear that bathing suit. I say: do it now! Low self-esteem is literally REQUIRED for diet culture to work because we have to believe that we are not good enough right now.
2. REFRAME the ideology that positions your body as the thing that is keeping you from fulfilling your greatest (and skinniest) destiny. Your body is many things, but I promise that it’s not your enemy. I repeat: your body is not your enemy. And the size of your body will never be the most important or greatest thing about you. Your body does incredible things every moment of every day. Even reading this list requires complex synaptic activity and, like, linear algebra and physics. Everyday your body sweats to keep you cool. It lets you know you have to pee so you won’t just pee at your desk at work or while you’re ordering an iced mocha. Your eye perceives a million different colors, so many colors that language cannot even describe all of them. It’s thanks to your body that you can smell your favorite perfume. It helps you remember the most beautiful moments of your life. Because of your body you are able to laugh and experience and do and feel. Reframing what your body does for you is an excellent way to begin 2015.
3. MANAGE the people and things around you that make you feel like your current body is a problem. One of the things I’ve noticed in working with women around body image is that a lot of times they want to hop off the diet band wagon, but they feel like they can’t because there are people in their lives who are always fat shaming or calorie counting. Usually it’s co-workers, but sometimes it’s parents, extended family, or romantic partners. Managing your exposure to those “engines of self-loathing” in your life is important. Management can look like total and complete eradication, like deciding to unfriend every person on your Facebook feed who participates in fat shaming or ending your subscription to that totally self-esteem zapping magazine. If you’re not quite ready to do that level of house cleaning, try limiting time spent with those forces that make you feel like you’ve been soul snatched. Rather than talking with your weight loss enthusiast friend for 15 minutes, only spent 5 minutes talking to them. Rather than seeing your parents who remind you that you’re looking like you’ve put on a few pounds twice a month, visit them once a month.
4. RECLAIM New Year’s Day. Rather than getting caught up in the ritual of downloading that new calorie counting app, reclaim January 1 as a #NewYearNewView day and spend it how YOU want. Create a new ritual that is not based on pitting yourself against your body. Feel free to borrow traditions from other parts of the world, too. In Germany they eat marzipan pigs. In Finland they melt tin. In Argentina they eat beans. And my personal favorite is the ritual in Ecuador, where they burn effigies of their enemies on new year’s day.
5. UPGRADE your old mindset. Any resolution that falls into that “must wait until after weight loss” has to go! An important thing to remember is that we’ve been taught that weight loss is the sure fire way to make everything in life better, but the truth is that many of our deepest held desires are actually not dependent on weight. In working with women for years and years around the issue of body image, I’ve learned one very important thing: when we say “I want to be thin” we often mean “I want to be seen, I want to be loved, I want to be free of the ‘I’m never good enough’ mentality.” I know this might be hard to believe but losing weight will not automatically lead to those outcomes. Furthermore, many of our goals don’t actually require weight loss, they simply require a mental shift away from thinking that our current bodies are wrong. Take a look at your weight-loss resolutions and break them down. If getting more exercise was a goal, shift the outcomes away from losing weight to gaining strength or having fun. If going on more dates was a goal, you don’t have to wait to lose weight to go on more dates. If wearing a bikini was a goal, guess what? Just buy a damn bikini!
You’ve been a slave to the scale long enough! Break up with your old resolutions and start 2015 with the reminder that you’ve got your dream body right now.
Tell your friends that you’re not starting the new year with weight loss goals. Announce that instead of getting a new you, you’re getting a new view for 2015. Share your #NewYearNewView images and your body poz intentions for 2015 on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter!
Self Love Berry Crumble!
Girl, there is literally nothing I don't love about berry crumble.
It's like pie but easy.
This week I'm going to make myself a self-love crumble because (1) I love making edible gifts for myself, (2) I encouraged some folks in Babecamp to make one as part of this week's self-love practice and (3) baking calms and grounds me!
What makes it a self-love berry crumble is that you ADD your favorite music, your crumble making power outfit, and also you eat the crumble loudly and shamelessly - making sure to moan and squirm with delight and counter-cultural gusto.
This is my favorite recipe from www.allrecipes.com (the fruit is truly interchangeable... use whatever's around: apples, pears, berries. I've never used bananas. So maybe not those):
Ingredients Original recipe makes 18 servings
5 Tips For A Body Positive Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving can feel like a scary time! Fat shaming, weight anxiety and food policing are at an all time high as people gather to eat FEASTS (which never made sense to me.. it's like, really? We have a nationally sanctioned holiday dedicated to eating one of the biggest remaining species of birds covered in butter and we're seriously talking about calories right now?! It's all part of the weird diet culture mind games if you ask me, girl). But don't be discouraged!
These are five things I bring to my Thanksgiving Day and I wanted to share them with you:
1. Don't feel guilty that time with your family or friends makes you stressed! It's totally normal for gatherings like Thanksgiving to give us the anxiety. The last thing you need is to add some guilt to that plate full of panic. So just settle into the feeling and remember to...
2. Do some self care afterwards. If you know you need 30 minutes (or more) of alone time to cry it out or watch Real Housewives or breathe slowly and intentionally or whatever self care looks like for you, DO THAT!
3. Make this day about making YOU happy and safe. This is actually the best way to take care of you and the people around you.
4. Think of or write down a list of a few things your body does that you're grateful for: it can be as simple as a function your body does for you all the time that makes your life easier (e.g. peeing or blinking even!)
5. This tip is from Adios Barbie: Redirect! "With the prevalence of diet mentality, it is inevitable that someone brings up weight or nutrition eventually. You can prepare for these moments by practicing 'redirections,' or changing the focus of the conversation. Before I enter a holiday gathering, I like to rehearse a few lines I can use to get out of uncomfortable spots. For example, if my partner’s mother comments on my weight, I am prepared to say, 'You know, I’ve noticed that since I started to focus more on listening to my body than on my weight, I’ve felt a lot healthier and happier,' and then move on to a different subject. If a friend announces he will only be eating turkey because he is on a low-carb diet, I am ready to ask about his plans for New Year’s Eve. Thinking about these 'outs' ahead of time helps me not to freeze up or (worse!) to get sucked into engaging in a body-negative discussion."
Have a #LoseHateNotWeight T-day, girl!
Virgie Tovar, MA is one of the nation's leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image. She is the founder of Babecamp (a 4 week online course focused on helping people break up with diet culture) and the editor of Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love and Fashion (Seal Press, 2012). She writes about the intersections of size, identity, sexuality and politics. See more updates on Facebook.