Secret: the more I love my body the better sex gets!
You know those awkward, painful moments when you can't even focus during a date because you're so worried what your double chin looks like while you're eating that crab benedict?
You've heard that sex can be amazing, and you'd probably be having more of it if you could just stop obsessing about what your belly will look like if your partner asks you to get on top.
I'm no stranger to these situations! I love crab benedict! I have a belly! And I also know all about double chin anxiety. My body image started to change the moment I was introduced to the idea of "body image:" that we have a relationship to our body that is affected by culture, family, friends and lovers. Even before I started creating my Lose Hate Not Weight philosophy, I had begun to question the way that I was taught to relate to my body. Like most women, I was taught that my body was my enemy.
As I came into sexual debut this affected how I was having sex. It affected my ability to gauge my attraction to potential partners. It impeded my ability to negotiate for the kind of sex I wanted. I later found out, it even hindered my ability to experience pleasure because I was obsessing so much about how inadequate I felt my body was.
On August 12, 2013 I will be talking about how I changed that relationship. My talk, "Yes Right Now! Better Sex Through Body Love," will be part of a special evening on sacred sexuality. I will be sharing the evening with incredible sexperts Veronica Monet, Jennifer Rode, and Shara Ogin!
Find out more about the event & buy tickets now! I will be selling copies of Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love and Fashion after the talk. Attendees get a special discount on the book!
I really hope I get to share my sexy secrets with you on August 12!
First thing's first: Fat Fancy is an AMAZING radical fat fashion boutique with lotsa vintage and modern trends in Portland! Put them on your bucket list.
I hit up Carlee & Annie (FF's proprietresses) to see if they'd be into hosting a reading of Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love and Fashion the day before the NOLOSE conference. And they said yes!
When I got there, the shop was just about to close. And then I got the best news imaginable: I would get a full hour all to myself to shop before the reading! I felt like Pretty Woman or something! The shop is filled with Miss Piggy decor and the walls are covered with fat legends. I ended up buying a few things, among them a fat girl coloring book and two vintage tops - 1 amazing emerald green crop top and 1 satiny power top with shoulder pads and a Versace style print (omg! can we talk about how much I love fake Versace!?).
I had to decide on my outfit for the evening while packing the day before. As you may know, this was a combination of terrifying and relieving because I suffer from outfit anxiety syndrome. Before an event I tend to change my outfit (or at least make small - but im.por.tant! - changes) about 12 times. I ended up going with a dark emerald body con faux snake skin skirt (more deets on the skirt in a min), gold foil top (it was on clearance at Target one time), cheetah print head scarf (vintage), and that amazing belt I found at Torrid on 4th of July.
Deb drove very very fast to get to Portland in time for the reading (Thanks, Deb!). She had a beer before the reading and this made her super funny.
Back to the skirt. Ok, yah, so in case you haven't noticed I'm really into the crop top with body con (read: tight ass) skirt look - as showcased here. This skirt was a find at my local Out of the Closet thrift store. It's conveniently located just steps from one of the stops on the train I take home (FYI: the N Judah). That day all skirts were 50% off! I found this one, which had originally been $3.75 and a size 8 (which it was with the non-stretchy inner lining in it). But, ghurl, after the discount and some seam ripping it was $1.50 and a size 22.
Another example of my mantra: the tag says no but the stretch says yes!
Below are some more lovely pictures for you to enjoy. Before I go I gotta give HUGE THANKS to:
Amy (for the fun convo + ride to Fat Fancy!) Leathia (for housing Cherry Tart so she could come to the reading!) Carlee & Annie (for being lovely and amazing and revolutionary) Lilia (for taking ALL of these amazing photos!) Jessica, Cherry, Deb & Amithyst (for being so talented and open and for being loving and brave enough to share your story) Rachele/Near Sighted Owl (for coming to the reading and doing all the amazing work you do!) AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO CAME AND FILLED UP THE ENTIRE STORE WITH YOUR BEAUTY AND LOVELINESS!
Virgie Tovar, MA is one of the nation's leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image. She is the founder of Babecamp (a 4 week online course focused on helping people break up with diet culture) and the editor of Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love and Fashion (Seal Press, 2012). She writes about the intersections of size, identity, sexuality and politics. See more updates on Facebook.